Three Decembers, all different ones but yet the same in some ways.
I am not the same person I was three Decembers ago. And probably neither are you!
I have grown, i’ve fallen in a huge hole but I got out. It made me a new person, someone I am actually very proud of.
I am stronger, wiser and filled with more love & grattitude than I was three Decembers ago.
December 2017: sadness and stress
It seems like such a long time ago.
I was new to being a mom and was going through so much.
I was floating around on my pink-greyish cloud, trying to hold it together for Daya.
Balancing being a good mother and trying to remain your sanity during trying times is hard.
Daya was just 2 weeks old when she had the most important tests of her life.
No test at school or wherever will ever be as important as these ones were.
She was put to sleep, had to get an mri done, had her eye sight and hearing etc tested.
It was this December that I found out what exactly her CMV had done to her little body.
(you can read the whole story starting with part 1 here: http://www.lifewithdaya.com/the-dark-cloud-of-cmv/ )
Cysts at the left and right side of her brain, her eyes were okay thankfully & complete deafness in her right ear. Her organs were also okay, so even though she had damage I was relieved it wasn’t worse than it already was.
Honestly it is just now, 2 years later that I am starting to give everything a place.
I never gave myself the chance to think too much about it, because if I had broken down Daya would have broken down too. And she had a long road ahead of fighting.
I needed to be strong for her, I was all she had, she was all I had.
December 2017 was one that will forever be an important chapter in my life.
It is one that has changed me forever.
I had no idea how I would get through it, but I did.
December 2018: relief
It’s been a long year, with a long medical road, but we got through it!
After having been told last year that she could have difficulties with her development: walking, speech etc. it’s been a stressful yet wonderful year.
Nitpicking everything she did: is it normal? shouldn’t she be doing this yet?
But everything turned out fine.
Daya had her first birthday, she got her first teeth AND she took her first steps.
Taking those first steps are Always a huge deal, but for us.. it was magical.
She was doing amazing, she completed her whole medical treatment.
Daya grew into a strong, sweet, smart & funny little baby.
She aced her developmental tests and was developing like others her age.
This December I could let go a little bit.. I let a sigh of relief and relaxed a bit..
Daya is fine. We are fine. We are fighters.
December 2019: toddler time
Daya is a fullgrown 2 year old now.
Or at least that is what she thinks 🙂 .
She is becoming more and more independent and it’s a delight to see her grow up.
She has had other tests for her development and speech this month, but we are still waiting on those results.
I think developmentally it should have been good, speech probably could be better.
Her pronounciation isn’t as it should be yet, but hey, I understand her :).
I can only imagine how hard it must be with only 1 hearing ear.
But she tries her best and I couldn’t ask for more of her.
Only pride to be found here!
I have started going to a psychologist since a couple of months now.
Since I have been having a lot of anxiety, stress and unhealed pain due to everything that has happened the past 2 years.
I have a lot of health anxiety for Daya ( & myself) and it’s honestly all because I haven’t taken any time to heal from everything.
I wasn’t ready yet, I couldn’t face it yet. But now that I know that despite everything, Daya is fine, I am fine. It is time to take time, feel my feelings & heal.
I think that’s something parents of warrior kids should do before it get’s too far: take time to feel your feelings & heal. I know it is hard, but it is necessary. You deserve the best of you, so do your kids.
2020 we are ready for you
Eventhough it has been another rocky year, I am totally ready for 2020.
I am ready for more joy, more health, more laughter, heck, even tears, because tears are healing.
I wish you the best for the coming year, and I hope 2019 has been gentle for you. And if it hasn’t, that you did cope with it in the best way that was possible.
Love & light, Daya & Gitte